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"Noisy, smelly and unsafe"

Not too bad to visit Southbank, however I would not recommend living in this dirty, smelly, noisy, unsafe place.
Unless you love the sound of trucks, car horns, concrete saws, jack hammers, reverse sensors and endless non stop construction and you don’t mind risking your life every time you cross the road, then I would strongly recommend you look for somewhere tolerable to live because after a short period of time, the glitz and glamour of Southbank wear off and the horrible reality sets it that you’re living on a noisy, smelly and unsafe construction site.

The opinions expressed within this review are those of the individual and not those of Homely.com.au.
Melbourne (CBD)

"A Detailed Review of the Horrible Little Place"

Having lived in Melbourne for the last seven years I am so excited to be moving interstate in the coming weeks (post lockdown 5.0).

Melbourne is a dirty, disgusting, never ending construction site. As a result it’s muddy (including muddy rain), ugly and noisy no matter where you go.

If you wear hi-viz clothing and Bunnings is your place of worship, then Melbourne will look after you.
For everybody else it’s lockdown orders and stay at home! And if you don’t have a job where you can work from home (and subsequently be paid by your employer), you’re pretty much on your own.

Do you like living in crammed, ugly, poorly built, characterless little apartments which are constantly assaulted by internal and external noise and “managed” by property managers that disappear the second you sign a lease and only return again to attempt to cunningly swindle at your bond money once you leave.

Or do you prefer to live in the suburbs where you never see your neighbours despite your roof gutters touching each other’s houses (which is almost as ugly, bland and generic as yours)?

Oh, and how’s the infrastructure out there in the western suburbs of Melbourne? Do you enjoy easy access to public transport? What are the roads like in your area? Are they in reasonable condition? Are they catering to the volumes of traffic or are you stuck behind a driver doing 88km/hr (in a 100km/hr zone) in the right hand lane while the driver in the left hand lane is doing 89km/hr leading a snake of bumper-to-number cars as far back as the eye can see?
Check your rear view mirror… can you see the headlights of the car behind you or are they tailgating you?
And honk honk honk. You better love (and I mean LOVE) the sound of car and truck horns, because the illegal behaviours of motorists are not policed at all and have become normalised. And please check twice before moving through your green traffic light as un-policed red light runners are all too common across Melbourne.

Speaking of police, don’t expect much from them unless you’re not wearing a face mask.
Not only have I been witness to a number of occasions where the law has been broken right in front of police who chose to do nothing, but police breaking the law themselves can also be witnessed from time to time. And if you’re ever in need of the police in Melbourne, it’s my experience that they will not support you.

City living in areas like Southbank mean you’ll be woken from 4am each day as trucks commence blaring their horns, motorbikes hammering at full throttle and tradies rolling in making a racket directly out the front of your place of residence from 6am so that they can proceed to kick off machinery, concrete saws and high pitched vehicle reverse sensors from dusk till dawn. And with more and more developments, it’s only going to get worse.

And if you’re in the mood to risk your life, try crossing the roads as a pedestrian around Southbank where personal safety is the last priority on council and local governments minds. If only the public had a WorkSafe that we could send out to issue time-bound improvement notices to council and government.

The traffic is horrendous no matter where you go and if you enjoy driving or if you take pride in your car, sell it and buy a car you don’t care about because it will soon become trashed and unroadworthy on Melbourne’s busted up roads.
Either that or your car will be damaged by the atrocious drivers or by Melbourne’s drugged up youth.

People who provide a “service” have an interest in one thing and one thing only in Melbourne, and that’s taking as much money from you as possible while ensuring your personal experience is the worst that could possibly be provided.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a few friendly locals and coffee shops, but they don’t wear the required hi-viz uniform and are therefore unable to trade during Victoria’s seemingly never ending lockdowns.

The health care system is beyond broken. If you have a mental illness, avoid Melbourne altogether (if you perceive my review as a “rant” please at least take my advice seriously on this one) as there is no care, no help and no support.

Good luck to those of you who simply “accept” Melbourne and don’t advocate for improvement (particularly with regards to the myriad of social issues that plague Melbourne). I hope you like what you’re accepting, as it’s going to be your current and future environment.

Why then, did I give Melbourne 1 star? The Botanical Garden is a nice place.

The opinions expressed within this review are those of the individual and not those of Homely.com.au.