Phuc Dat Bish

Before moving to Port I knew that in 1991 seventy percent of the population voted not to have fluoride in the water.

In 2020, the elected mayor tried to commission a new poll to see if the town still held such regressive views. This was to help her lobby the state government to stop them preventing tooth decay. Make of that what you will.

Despite my low expectations, I was still blown away by how backwards this place is. And before you come at me for being a snob, I grew up in a country town. Port is different.

Move outside the town centre and footpaths don't exist. Neither do protected crossings or traffic lights. If you're blind and need to cross the road, don't live in Port unless you want to be flat. If you have the gift of sight and not the gift of good sense, and decide to move here, be prepared to see oldies riding their mobility scooters down busy roads because they have nowhere else to go. It has beaches though.

Any historical architecture has been destroyed for 80's cement rendered monstrosities. The cinema is rubbish, and the pubs are empty beer barns with toothless locals in fluro shirts feeding cash into pokies. It's got lots of parking for your hilux though.

The crime is above the state average and getting worse. If you don't believe me, go for a walk near kooloonbung park at night, where the local 'creek rats' shoot up and camp. It's not as bad as Kempsey though.

If after reading this you still don't believe me and want to move to port, just go on the local facebook pages and tell them you're an outsider looking to move here. See what kind of reception you get. It could be worse, at least the Real Estate Agents who post on this site seem nice, right?